How to train your empathic muscle
Science and methods explained.
Empathy is a catchy word nowadays, there are many written pieces about empathy already, so why am I still writing it?
I spent a few months designing for a non-profit org in Australia called ReachOut, they help young adults with mental health issues. During that time, I acknowledged how important to listen to people and design solutions that help those in need. But what I understood about empathy back then was only “empathize with user” and “perspective taking”. How can I be more empathic? Beyond emotional resonance, can empathy facilitate personal transformation? With these questions in mind, I started to research on:
- Neuroscience behind empathy
- Tools and techniques we can integrate into daily work and life
Anatomy of Empathy
Before empathy was introduced as an English word in 1909, it was a German word Einfühlung, meaning feeling into. Like the word interprets, empathy has an emotional aspect. It usually goes from “mimicry or emotional contagion precedes empathy, precedes sympathy and compassion, which in turn may precede prosocial behavior.”[1]
Researchers use functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to record brain activity patterns, found out that brain activity associated with empathy was spread across the brain and involved multiple brain regions.
“The brain is not a modular system where there’s a region that manages empathy…It’s a distributed process.” -Neuron
Neuropsychological evidence indicates that there are three types of empathy:
Cognitive Empathy — put oneself into someone’s shoes; perspective-taking;
Emotional Empathy — sensing what other person is feeling can be both positive and negative;
Compassionate Empathy — beyond emotion recognition and contagion, it is the willingness to help
These three empathy types locate in different neural networks.
Cognitive empathy (Theory of Mind) involves a neural network that includes the Ventromedial Prefrontal Cortex (VPC), Temporoparietal Junction (TPJ), and the Medial Temporal Lobe (MTL).
Emotional Empathy contains two components: Emotional contagion & Emotional distress. Emotional contagion exists in the neural network that includes the Inferior Frontal Gyrus (IFG) and the Inferior Parietal Lobule (IPL). It simulates what another person feels or thinks. Among other neurons, the Mirror neuron system (MNS) is probably the most important one, it generates emotion contagion. Emotional distress is from the pain network includes Anterior Insula (AI) and Anterior Cingulate Cortex (ACC). Certain emotional distress may lead to care, but too much of it may cause stress and pain. Many social workers and health care professionals had experience empathy fatigue.
Empathy is an innate ability but evolves across the life span. Many fMRI studies state that people experience different levels of empathy. Most people can be more empathic through learning. But some people have empathy deficit disorders, for example, Psychopath, narcissist, and people with antisocial personality disorders, borderline personality disorders, autism spectrum disorder, etc, it is very difficult to train them because of their neurological conditions.
Our brain is a powerful machine, some of the areas are still beyond our understanding, but we know now empathy is a mindset that can be cultivated. I experimented with different methods in workshops, training, personal and professional life, and found these five methods are very helpful.
5 methods to be more empathic
To be an empathic person, we need to have self-empathy first, it means to be aware of oneself. Develop self-awareness first, we will have the capacity to empathize with other people.
‘We need empathy to give empathy’. — Marshall B Rosenberg
Method 1&2 is about self-empathy; method 3,4 & 5 is about relational empathy (group or communal).
Method 1. Writing
Writing is an effective way to be friends with your thoughts and to raise awareness. One of the psychotherapy methods is journaling. In The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron introduces the term “morning pages”, it inspires many people to pick up the pen and write. After I read the book, journaling became my daily habits, whenever I have troubling thoughts, I wrote down to clear my mind. We don’t have to be writers to compose stories, Sentences, phrases, words as long as they are from the heart. The point is not about the contents, it’s the process that counts.
Writing is also a creative way to express ourselves, you might discover that words can generate joy and magic.
826 Valencia (founded by Writer Dave Eggers) is a non-profit organization in San Francisco, advocating under-resourced students to write. When I went there last year, I saw the creative energy in the room was infectious, children write, read, and communicate, it’s a safe space form them to unlock empathy.
Formats you could try
15 -45 mins Freestyle writing (a stream of consciousness), I usually write what happened or noticed lately.
Use writing prompts, there are many resources online, you can pick any theme to start, or if you have special interests in something, you can write about it too.
When to use this method
When you have quiet time and in an uninterrupted setting.
Method 2. Practise Mindfulness
Another method to develop self-empathy is through mindfulness.
Mindfulness is a type of meditation in which you focus on what you’re sensing and feeling in the moment, without interpretation or judgment (Mayo Clinic). If you haven’t heard of mindfulness or haven’t practiced before, you might think it is about relaxing, even though one of the benefits is to calm the mind. Essentially, Mindfulness is Attention Training. Be mindful simply means having control over your attention. Neuroscience has proven mindfulness meditation can reduce cognition decline and regular emotion. I started my meditation and mindfulness practice a few years ago, it changed me in many ways. I become more attentive and intentional at almost everything I do.
‘Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.’ -Viktor Frankl’s teachings, summarized by Steven Covey
Probably you will hear this word a lot when attending Mindfulness training: being present. Sometimes our minds drift away when listening to other people talking, it made us feel a little bit guilty, leaving the other person disregarded. If we can pay full attention to other people, it’s easier to gain empathy. So what kind of mindfulness would help?
If you haven’t practiced before, I suggest you can try simple ones (aiming for 1–5 mins practice) to start with, there are so many meditation apps out there, the ones I found quite easy to follow are Headspace & Simple Habits.
Formats you could try
3 breaths -Take three calming breaths, breathe in for three counts, breathe out for five counts (a longer breathe out has a calming effect; while longer breathe in can bring you more focus)
Minutes to arrive -Deep breath a few times in a quiet setting before starting going into a meeting
When to use this method
When you feel stressed, distracted, or nervous, find 5 mins less to practice
Method 3. Empathic Listening
Listening to silence, it has so much to say. — Rumi
When people talk, listen completely. — Ernest Hemingway
‘Empathy is the listener’s effort to hear the other person deeply, accurately, and non-judgmentally. Empathy involves skillful reflective listening that clarifies and amplifies the person’s own experiencing and meaning, without imposing the listener’s own material.’ — Carl Rogers (1951)
We know there are 5 levels of listening, it goes from not listening, pretended listening, selective listening, attentive listening to active listening (also Empathic listening).
Imagine you are in a discussion with few team members, one person is talking about something you don’t actually agree with, your mind starts to formulate a response of your own opinion rather than focusing on what the speaker was saying. Through active listening, you pay full attention to whoever is speaking without any judgment or assumption, as a result, you will have a deeper understanding.
When to use this method
When you need to collaborate with someone; when someone is trying to get your advice and just want to be heard; when you are in a conflict
Method 4. Communication & Conversations
Lack of empathy sometimes means poor communication. To become an empathic communicator, two of my favorite techniques are very helpful: Nonviolent Communication (NVC) & T-Groups.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) by Marshall Rosenberg is a wonderful book, unlike typical business communication books, it is very therapeutic.
In NVC, Empathy is a Universal Human Need. Needs can be thought of as core human motivators common to all people…The role of empathy can be understood as giving (or speaking) and receiving (or listening)…When we are fully listened to — deeply understood or “gotten” — then our need for empathy is met…Empathy also functions as a pressure release valve of sorts. When we’re in pain, getting heard can relieve the pressure we feel inside. — NVC
If you are not sure how NVC works, think combining Empathic Listening with Mindfulness and add some gratitude.
NVC has four steps:
1.Observations-notice what triggers you
2.Feelings-understand your feeling and express it
3.Needs-link your need to your judgment
4.Requests-Make honest inquiry
Link to see the example
When to use NVC
Collaborate with people or resolve conflicts
T-Group (T stands for training) — is a type of experiential training program, in which 12–16 participants with 1–2 trainers participate in series of conversations during a period of time (some programs are run over the weekend, or there is a week-long program too). What the T-group differs from other types of group training is that there is no agenda, all people involved in the group decide what to talk about and how to spend time during the program. The intention of T-Group is to let people communicate freely, exchange emotions and feelings. Most of the people who have done the program said it had a profound impact on their lives. I did a weekend program at Stanford last year, for me it was a transformative experience if life-changing is exaggerating.
When to use this method
If time and location is no problem, you should try it.
Method 5. Play based activities
Improvs are often used in the theatre but recently has been introduced to design thinking related activities. It combines scene work, storytelling, body language, and teamwork to confront our fear and build empathy.
Gameplay — Everyone is fond of play, even though empathy and play don’t necessarily link together, but when we engage in a fun and trusted environment, we tend to be open to each another, the boundaries loosens. empathy increases.
Lego Series Play (for workshops and team-building activities)
Avokiddo (App teaches children emotions)
Method 6. Be aware of bias
Some people don’t know or not admit having a bias, but the truth is everyone has a bias, it is deeply embedded in our mind. When I ask a surgeon who can’t operate on a son riddle at a workshop, only a few people answered correctly. Even if we are very conscious and observant, still can not remove bias completely, we can only minimize the impact. There are many kinds of biases we live with, one associated with empathy is in-group bias.
In-group bias — also called in-group favoritism is a common phenomenon in social psychology. Just like David Eagleman conducted an experiment in PBS shows The Brain, we are more in favor of ‘In-Group’. Neuroscience uses electroencephalographic (EEG) to measure in-group and out-groups brain activities, the findings showed that “empathy may be restricted to close others and, without active effort, may not extend to out-group, potentially making them likely targets for prejudice and discrimination.”[4]
Besides cultural, racial, gender diversity issues, I want to mention neurodiversity (people with Dyspraxia, Dyslexia, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Dyscalculia, Autistic Spectrum, Tourette Syndrome, etc). To communicate with people who are neurologic different from us, gaining empathic understanding is the first step, listen and observe what they really need and prefer, then figure out the proper way. Universal Music UK just released a handbook embracing neurodiversity in the creative industry. I think it’s exciting to see the change towards a more inclusive society.
What actions we can take? Psychologist Dolly Chugh offers good advice:
1. Activate a growth mindset
2. See your ordinary privilege and put it to use
3. Opt for awareness
4. Engage with the people and systems around us
Leanin.org also has a gender bias card set you can use.
Conclusion
We are prosocial beings, we long for connection and understanding, empathy is one critical skill that can help. But having empathy is not enough, we need to think about what to do with our empathy, what actions we can take to build a better relationship, business, and future.
Reference
[1] The Social Neuroscience of Empathy, Tania Singer, Claus Lamm
[2] Is Empathy for Pain Unique in Its Neural Correlates? A Meta-Analysis of Neuroimaging Studies of Empathy, by Inge Timmers, Anna L. Park,Molly D. Fischer etc
[3] Bzdok D, Schilbach L, Vogeley K, et al. Parsing the neural correlates of moral cognition: ALE meta-analysis on morality, theory of mind, and empathy. Brain Struct Function 2012
[4]. Intergroup differences in the sharing of emotive states: neural evidence of an empathy gap, Jennifer N. Gutsell and Michael Inzlicht
https://psychcentral.com/news/2017/06/11/brain-imaging-study-reveals-the-roots-of-empathy/121740.html
Art of Empathy by Karla McLaren
Empathy-Building Interventions: A Review of Existing Work and Suggestions for Future Directions by Erika Weisz and Jamil Zaki
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201310/the-neuroscience-empathy
Practical Empathy by Indi Young, The core message in this book is to teach you how to listen.
Many Levels of Listening by Maximilian Schmidt
Active Listening: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Active_listening
NVC: https://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3737148/pdf/pone.0071182.pdf
